And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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