I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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