Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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