It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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