u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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