I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize