she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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