new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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