You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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