WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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