it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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