What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
