Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
