How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize