Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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