Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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