Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
