"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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