I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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