I wish I could punch you in the face.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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