I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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