Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
