It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
