I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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