I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
