Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
