I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
