Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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