her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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