I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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