just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
