my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
