I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
