I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
