the condom got lost in my hair
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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