i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize