are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
