Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
