i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
