She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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