that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
