Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
