Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
