I just pynch a tree in the face
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
