singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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