____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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