what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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