There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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