Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
