He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
