you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well you can't waste a boner
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Enjoy the penises
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
