I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize