Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
