I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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