I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
