Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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