Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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