Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I lost the right to judge tonight
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
