You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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