Apparently you make a good broom.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
