Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
