What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
