What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
