first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
