my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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