My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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