she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
