Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
