6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
