Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
