Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
