Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a hot homeless man
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
