me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
