It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
